Out of Tune

Ever feel like things aren’t just right? They aren’t horrible. In fact, they are good – just not great. It’s like an out of tune instrument. Try as one might to play the right notes and keep time with the beat, it can’t overcome the instrument being out of tune.

I go through phases when everything is going smoothly or even spectacularly. It’s wonderful. Relationships are great. Business is great. I’m sticking to healthy habits. But over time, I get off course somehow. Not too bad at first, but over time it adds up. It can happen in my business or personal life – sometimes both. Then life becomes a struggle. No matter how much I battle, I get further off course.

I imagine a symphony orchestra -- great musicians, beautiful instruments and a skilled conductor all performing a revered masterpiece. Does it just happen that they make great music? Certainly not. They’ve practiced for years – alone and as a group. But there is something else they do before each performance. They tune and re-tune their instruments.

What would happen if they didn’t? The violins might be out of tune with the bassoon or worse, with the piano. And my musician friends tell me that since the piano is no fun to tune on the fly, everybody else has to tune to it. A great symphony of great musicians playing beautiful instruments out of tune – does NOT make great music. If you’ve watched a live symphony performance, musicians tune before they start and often between movements, because they know that it is too important to the orchestra for any instrument to be out of tune.

If a performer ignored the tuning process, she might make it through the piece without anyone noticing. What if she didn’t retune for the whole concert? What if she decided that the tuning she did on Monday should suffice for the week? For the month? Or for 20 years?

Musicians know all too well what we sometimes forget. Without retuning, we can get off course. Taking time to reflect on what we really want in life and noticing whether we’re still on track is as vital to a human being as listening to the strings of one instrument in relationship to the orchestra. And it’s not just noticing the difference, but taking action by making adjustments that keeps us in tune.

When I feel out of tune with the other performers in my business and personal life, it offers a wonderful opportunity to reflect. Maybe I’m the one IN tune and I should keep marching to my own drum. Maybe I should be in a different orchestra. But often – usually, in fact – I’ve gotten a wake up call that I need to take some time to reflect on my choices, my behaviors and my attitudes. Doing so occasionally (or better yet – regularly), allows me get back in tune with myself and with those around me.

Life is meant to be exciting and inspiring and beautiful – like a symphony. We start with a desire to participate. We develop life skills along the way. We find mentors to help and encourage us. We develop personal and professional networks that complement our strengths. We practice diligently. We find some success and learn from mistakes. But we assure continued success, by taking time to re-tune regularly.
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The Holistic Balance Sheet - edited

I spend most of my days in conversations with people about things that matter deeply to them. Commonly, we will develop and work from their “balance sheet”. However, most of us initially think only in terms of a financial balance sheet – the one with financial assets on one side and liabilities on the other. It’s an important and helpful tool to be sure. But I work from a different balance sheet – I call it “The Holistic Balance Sheet”.

If I asked you to develop your own balance sheet, you’d start by thinking of the things you own. Your home, 401K balance, business interests and automobiles come to mind pretty quickly. You may or may not readily know the value of each of these. But you can fairly easily identify the key items. They are the ones that have the biggest price tags – the most zeroes after the dollar sign, right? Or are they?

Once you’ve racked your brain trying to identify all the assets in your possession, I’d ask, “Have you truly identified the most important things? Is there anything more important than the things you have listed on the left side? Is there anything you wouldn’t trade for the things you have listed?” And usually there is. It may take a while, but you’d get the point. You may respond, “My family, my friends, my faith, my education, my experiences, my health, my … you-fill-in-the-blank.”

At our core, we recognize that “money” isn’t the only thing that matters. Often, its value is far less than important relationships, health and experiences. But most of us forget this from time to time. Don’t we?

So why is so little time, energy, worry, attention, planning, accountability is given to these non-financial assets – the really important ones? Successful business owners, professionals and executives can often fall into the deepest traps. Living in a world of metrics, financial statements, billable hours and profitability margins, attention goes to career and to financial matters. What gets attention, often gets results.

But at what expense? What relationships don’t get the attention they should – spouse, kids, self? By ignoring or devaluing our health or relationships or very soul, how can we expect our holistic net worth to continue to grow? And even when we find success in many areas of our lives (work, health, family), is there something missing? Something we always wanted to do – a dream we gave up on – a difference we hope to make later on in life? We may not get the time.

Chances are that if you’ve found some measure of success in this world you’ve done some planning. You’ve participated in the situational analysis and strategic plan for your business. You’ve created a retirement and estate plan. We do those things because we value them. And we know that they will appreciate in value by thoughtful intentional attention.

Yet it is rare indeed to see “the most important things” integrated into these plans. When is the last time you did a situational analysis on YOU – your health, your relationships, your spiritual connection, your unfulfilled dreams? Is it written down? And have you developed a plan for how to bridge the gaps between where you are and where you want to be?

Valuing the things on the left side of the balance sheet enough to write them down is the first step. Consciously growing them is the next. And that involves the right side of the balance sheet.

Liabilities, debts, taxes due, etc. occupy the rights side of most balance sheets. They are considered the “have to’s” of life. They aren’t much fun for most of us – uninspiring at best; ominous, at worst.

In my holistic balance sheet, I define this section differently. The term I use is “contribution” – or “choose to’s”. I can’t deny the reality that taxes and debts exist. I can choose how I view these things and other important financial and non-financial “obligations” though. I do have a choice in whether I pay them – even taxes – as long as I’m willing to pay the consequences.

When I make a contribution to my financial assets, I expect a return or dividend. I may not always get one – or at least not the one I expect. But I do it in anticipation of a brighter future. I take on debt for my business or my residence because I believe they will allow me to build more value on the left side than they represent on the right side. These are contributions – “choose to’s”.

Likewise, I make right-side contributions that correspond to the other left-side “assets”. Contributions to the “emotional bank account” in each of my human relationships help me better appreciate key people in my life. In turn, they better appreciate me. Quality time with our partners, spouses, children, and friends is a contribution. Exercising is a contribution to my health. Involvement is a contribution to my community and to my life experiences.

I wouldn’t trade my experiences and the wisdom I’ve gained from them for anything. I’ve known business people who have made and lost fortunes. They tell me that they were just as “wealthy” while bankrupt as they were when they were flush with cash. The reason they say is because they have an even richer experience of how to rebuild the wealth the next time.

To be sure, this is not the typical static, snapshot-in-time balance sheet from my old accounting texts. In fact, it is quite dynamic. Some financial purists would surely argue that I’m mixing balance sheet terms with income statement terms and throwing in some spiritual mumbo jumbo to boot. Yup! That’s why I call it a holistic balance sheet.

The dynamic piece in all this is that each contribution from the right side increases the value on the left. The currency may not be U.S. Dollars. It may be deepened friendships, magnified love, greater sense of community, or the remarkable learning that only comes from temporary failure. The value of the assets grows. We may not always notice it. We may in fact be totally oblivious to the growth. It grows just the same.

And it grows best when we contribute generously. The more I contribute to my 401K, the more it will grow in the long-run – despite temporary setbacks due to stock market fluctuations. The more time I spend with my son doing what he wants to do, the richer our relationship will be as we grow older. The more involved I choose to be in my community, the more I’ll appreciate it and enjoy the experiences.

A quick look around the world presents tragedy after tragedy. Economic uncertainty abounds. If I base my attitude on my retirement plan balance or my short-term income projections, I could choose to be depressed. But why would I look at only one aspect – the least important aspect – of my holistic balance sheet? I have a beautiful family, decent health and a community that nurtures my soul by reminding me that I’m part of something bigger than myself. I am blessed indeed. I suspect that most of us would have to admit the same.

The left sides of our balance sheets abound with riches most of the world can’t even imagine. Some of us appear wealthy financially, yet are impoverished in our relationships. Some bask in untold richness of unique experiences that rest of us may never know – unless we ask. None of us has everything we might wish for – and that’s probably a good thing. Yet each of us has much for which to be thankful. And by continuing to invest and to reinvest, we can continue to grow our own balance sheets. By doing it together, perhaps we can build the holistic health and wealth of the world.
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“What do I want from life?” … as of April 9, 2009

I want abundant joy. Not the kind of joy that people only recognize at holidays and birthdays. I want to wake up each morning glad that I am alive and on a journey. I expect to see my share of sorrow. But in those moments I want to be able to see that it is because of past joy, that I feel the sorrow. And I want to know that because of my willingness to embrace the sorrow that joy will reemerge. And I will be stronger – more joyful – again.

I want love. I want it from my wife. I want it from my children. I want it from other family and friends. And I would love to find it from a far wider local or world community. But as much as I want that love to be expressed by others. I don’t need it for me to feel loved. I can love myself. I can recognize that I am part of the beautiful Universe – part of the creation itself. I am worthy of love -- with no effort, no grand achievements required.

I want to find and express my purpose on this earth. I may be here for a long time. On the other hand, I could be experiencing my last moments here. Either way, I want it to count – to matter. And I believe it does. Among the few distinguishing features of humans when compared to other living beings is the knowledge of the fact that we are not immortal. I am aware of it. I don’t fear it. I don’t relish it. But at my best, I know that considering it and asking answering the great questions of life – is a large part of my purpose here. So if I should not get the time to finish this sentence – at least I’m fulfilling a part of my destiny. Whew … made it that far!

I want to get and stay more in touch with Nature. I am of this earth, this universe. Science tells me that everything about me and everything around me was there at one point of singularity – the Big Bang. Perhaps science and philosophy will evolve to offer a more plausible story of creation. But for now this one is as good as it gets. And it says that everything is connected – no ... everything is everything – the same everything. The illusion that I am apart from others or other things is just that – an illusion. The same atoms and molecules that dwell inside you are in me. The breath I just took contains some of the same air molecules exhaled by Julius Caesar or Jesus or Buddha or Mohammed hundreds or thousands of years ago. And the atoms in those same molecules and the ones in my toes and all the atoms inside my laptop and those at the far reaches of the universe were there part of the same point of singularity. To get in touch with Nature is to be in touch with myself.

I want teach my children to love, to think, to work and to share. I really do. And I have learned by now that I can’t control anyone but myself. I’ve even learned that it is tough to control myself. Still, I want to teach my children these basics of life. I can’t be sure they will learn them. I can’t be sure that just learning them will be enough. But they serve me well when I remember them. And I find it difficult to identify more useful life skills than these. What is amazing is that I sometimes need to be reminded of them myself. And often, my children are my best teachers.

I want to teach love, because I want to learn and experience love more fully. I know that when I am most loving, it is because I love myself. This is what I most want for my kids. I want them to acknowledge their own worthiness, their beauty, their holiness. It’s not such an easy thing to do. I have struggled with and continue to struggle with the concept. I often judge myself as worthy only when I am accomplishing things. Yet, there is always more that could be or could have been done. And by that measure, I come up short. It is so easy to measure myself and my kids and others in this way. When I do, I devalue them and encourage them to devalue themselves. Love is not subject to conditions – as in “if you are smart or good or do as I say” – no, love is always accepting of the other – even when we don’t measure up in other ways. I want to love myself. I want to love others – all others. I want to model this for my kids and for the wider world.

I want to encourage others and myself to think. I do it often. But I don’t always do it as I’d like. Too often, I engage in self-limiting thinking. Dreaming is good thinking. Considering others is good thinking. Imagining, envisioning, pondering – all good, I believe. There have been great thinkers throughout time. And regardless of our IQs, I believe we’re all capable of great thinking. Mine comes best when my mind and body are relaxed. My toughest challenge comes in finding balance. When I don’t think enough, I miss out. When I think too much, I fail to trust my instincts—which are an important part of thought.

I want to enjoy and share the joy that comes from work. It is possible to exist on this earth – at least for a while – doing absolutely nothing but eating, sleeping and going to the bathroom. If one is born to riches, perhaps there is no need to toil – physically or mentally. But what joy or purpose is there in that? So much of life is experienced in finding one’s purpose and living it. And an important part of that is in contributing to the world through work. Even the most mundane tasks can connect us to ourselves and to our Universe. Washing dishes, cleaning floors, building roads, teaching children, defending the accused – they are all endeavors that connect us to something besides ourselves. They create value.

I hope to continue to create value in my world. There are many ways to do so. I have long struggled with picking just one. I fail miserably at that goal. I can do so through my profession. And in one lifetime, I can have many professions. I can also do so through my avocations. I can show appreciation for all those who work for a better world. In doing so, I honor my own endeavor to bring value to the world as well as increasing the likelihood that others will continue in their quest.

I want to share. I want my kids to know how to share. And I want to empower a weary world to unleash its abundance through a greater spirit of generosity. Most of us in the developed world have homes and jobs and people who love us. We are so blessed that we cannot even understand the plight of others. We can try. We can imagine. But it is difficult to truly “get it”. But something wonderful happens when we choose to look outside of ourselves. We can choose to do with less – even when society tells us that we should focus on our own comfort (with expensive cars, fine wines, and other luxury items). We can feed our souls so much better by giving – of our time, talent and treasure. I want to be generous. I want to live with an abundance mentality. I can’t do that by ignoring myself and my own needs. I’ve tried that. It doesn’t work. But when my essential needs are met – physical, spiritual, mental and social – I can gain more by giving than by getting.

I want health. By many measures, I have so much better health than many; it seems absurd to speak of it. I have never faced serious medical problems. I have never had surgery or the need for it. I have never been truly hungry. My health issues are mostly within my control. And I have not chosen very wisely. I eat and drink things I know are not good for me. I exercise less than I could. I sleep less than I should. As a result, I’m overweight and overstressed. Perhaps I should say that I’m really under-height and under-relaxed. But it wouldn’t change the fact that I my lifestyle choices are not in line with what I say I want. I intend to change this by changing both my intentions and my actions. The stakes are too high not to. In order to have the energy to love and think and work and share; to teach others to do so as well; I have to take care of myself.

I want to continue to co-create the world around me. I’m not naive enough to believe that I can change the world alone. Nor am I oblivious to think that I can’t have a significant role in the project. By tapping into my strength and the strengths of others, unlimited power is available. When focused, this power can change the world or at least certain parts of it. I will be part of that change. I have all the power necessary to direct that change. By centering and by connecting with my Source, I can help shape my world.

I want to be clearer about things. I want to “second-guess” less. I want to be confident in my decisions and actions. I can “act” that way. And I do. But my internal dialogue belies that external confidence. When I am truly at peace – with myself and with my place in the world – I can focus my efforts in ways that amaze others and make my self-doubt inconsequential. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Painful as they may occasionally seem, they don’t haunt me. Even when things don’t turn out as I would have them, I have learned from the actions. What is most frustrating – what causes grief and regret – is failure to act on impulses because I was unclear about what I wanted or was unwilling to take a risk.

I want to be sincere in all I do. It would be nice to be right and to be smart and to be eloquent and to be attractive and to be loved by all people at all times. Since that is not possible. I would be happy to be authentic. It’s harder than it sounds. It means not trying to be somebody else. It means having some people not like what they see in me –and being “okay” with it. That’s what’s hard. But the alternative is far worse – to try to please a diverse and fickle world and to lose myself in the process. Tempted as I am to seek the opinions and approval of others as guides to my destiny, I must look inside myself for the answers. There is truly only one person who needs to look into my eyes and pass judgment on my sincerity and character. Progress starts from telling the truth – my truth. That truth may be elusive. It may appear contradictory to others. It may be evolving. But whatever it is for me now or in the future, I must speak it.
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